Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth According to Lashawnda

Lashawnda thought surviving the hood, raising kids, dodging red flags, stretching EBT, and keeping her lights on WAS the apocalypse...

Then she opened Genesis.

Now suddenly the Bible hit different.

Because Adam sounded like somebody's unemployed baby daddy.
Eve reminded her of women who ignored red flags because "he fine though."
Cain needed therapy.
Noah was basically preparing for Hurricane Katrina with zoo animals.
And the Tower of Babel? Baby... that was the first group chat argument in history.

Through heartbreak, side-eyes, overdue bills, church drama, Walmart struggles, and kids who NEVER stop eating, Lashawnda discovers that the Bible isn't just ancient stories...

It's survival instructions.

Funny.
Raw.
Unapologetically hood.
And painfully relatable.

Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth According to Lashawnda is a hilarious urban retelling of Genesis that blends scripture, comedy, single motherhood, faith, struggle, healing, and hood wisdom into one unforgettable journey.

Because sometimes God speaks through burning bushes...

...and sometimes He speaks through a tired Black mama in a bonnet holding a cold cup of coffee and an unpaid light bill.

• Hood humor with biblical truth
• Real-life struggles single mothers understand
• Faith that survives chaos
• Laugh-out-loud storytelling
• Healing hidden inside comedy
• Scripture explained "Lashawnda style"

If you've ever:

• cried in the bathroom so your kids wouldn't see,
• stretched a meal three different ways,
• prayed over bills,
• loved God but still got an attitude,
• or survived life one struggle meal at a time...

then baby...

this book was written for YOU.